How To Be a Goddamn Lady

Here is a Real World Lady Lesson. I have a dear friend who owns a boarding and training stables and she teaches horsemanship to teens in the summer.

She recently told me about an experience she had two years ago with a woman and her daughter who boarded a horse with her. My friend gave (yes, gave!) a young colt to this mother and daughter so that the daughter would have a horse to train and show. The deal was that they would pay for the horse’s board, fly spray and shoeing in addition to the board for the horse they originally brought to her stables. The daughter was overjoyed.

My friend is a wonderful, warm woman who has made much of herself in life and has a heart the size of Texas. My friend is also a Lady. But, she is no pushover, and so when the mom neglected to pay the board for over four months with various excuses, ignored shoeing both the colt and her own horse and even in the middle of summer gave neither horse any fly spray, well my friend had to take action. Sending the daughter home with reminders made no impression on the mother. The lack of payment continued.

My friend, who had considered this mother and daughter to be her friends up to this point in time, began to get angry at the situation. It wasn’t just the money and being upset at her own personal financial losses. The horses were suffering also, and for no good reason. She finally had to make a legal step in the situation. All during these six months, the mother repeatedly told my friend the check was in the mail.

However, during this period of time, the this woman found money to go on a “vacation” for three weeks to Greece with her (current) boyfriend, leaving the daughter alone at home. (The daughter is 15. No, she did not party, she took care of the home, did her homework, went to school, fed the dog, watered the plants. Like an adult). Then Mom came back and immediately got a boob job. Then she bought a car. But pay the board, shoeing and fly spray that she owed to her friend and boarding owner? Oh, no.

Finally, my friend decided to put a lien on the horses, which is the proper procedure in our State for unpaid boarding bills. The very next day, this mother sends her 15 year old daughter over with a check to give to my friend…and the check subsequently bounces that week. My friend then finally announced she actually must take possession of both horses as a lien on the bill due her.

The daughter, in tears when my friend had to tell her that the horses no longer would be theirs, told my friend that SHE would work it off. My friend said she should not need to do this as it was her mother’s responsibility as the adult. But the daughter was adamant. Eventually, my friend relented.

And that’s what this 15 year old girl did. She came before school, after school, weekends and holidays. She groomed, she mucked the stalls, she fed the horses, fly sprayed them ,exercised them and did any dirty job my friend needed done at those stables to pay for the money they owed my friend. She also schooled the colt under my friend’s tutelage, showing him the following year and winning ribbons.

Where was her mother? Going through boyfriend after boyfriend, haunting bars and clubs, getting plastic surgery, hautning the shopping malls and generally behaving as if she were “in fashion” with the fast crowd.

And, the daughter? Got through high school with honors, snagged a scholarship to college, began dating a nice young man, is still is showing the “colt” (now grown) at the regional horse shows and holding down a part-time job in a hospital. Oh, and she’s studying nursing.

Age does not guarantee that you are a lady. This “mom” was far more immature, self-centered, shallow and lacking in morals than her 15 year old daughter — but thought she was In Fashion.

The daughter was, and is, truly a Lady: she respects others and herself, she sets goals and works towards them, she honors her committments and she does not slum around in bars picking up men. She stepped in and handled the payment problem at the stables with strength, discipline and grace.

The daughter has Style.

Fashion fades, Style is eternal. A Lady always has Style.

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