Welcome to Being A Lady
posted by ladylessons in UncategorizedIn our very busy and frenzied society something has changed over the years: there is a lack of understanding or training in how to be a Lady or a Gentleman.
My focus here will be for women to understand two things: first, the Feminist Movement has not necessarily been your friend and the loss of understanding of How To Be A Lady is a loss not only to yourselves, but to the men in your life.
One point I wish to make clear up front: I am NOT advocating slavish doormats and Stepford Wives! I’m talking about what women knew years ago: how to use their talents and intellect and still respect their men. Naturally, for the most part, the opposite training was given and most of the men were brought up to be Gentlemen. It was a mark of class and breeding and becoming an adult to learn how to be a Lady (or a Gentleman).
It’s my goal to talk with you about these ideas. I’m not here to debate the fact that men are sometimes terrible to women and women are sometimes terrible to men; that is a given. But, it is YOUR (and my) responsibility to try to wrest back civility and respect between the sexes and try to stop the breach that has occurred between men and women during the past 30 years.
All comments and ideas are welcome. However, remember, in keeping with the theme of this site, keep your language civil and try to use your logic as well as emotions in arguing or debating.
I would like to see less attacking and bickering and anger between men and women and more understanding of the REAL differences between us. Make no mistake: we ARE different, and there are positives in that (though the Feminist Agenda would say otherwise).
So, let’s begin to see if we can’t foster more Ladies and fewer bitchy women…trust me, you’ll feel better!
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VL, I just have to tell you, I love your title “How to Be A Goddamn Lady”. It’s resonated with me ever since I first read it, and I finally figured out why - it sound exactly like something my grandmother would have said. My father’s mother was a woman who really went her own way, back in the day. You know, when we were all oppressed. She faced life head-on, and I won’t say she was always demure - far from it! But she was always a goddamn lady. Or, maybe “dame” is a better word. Thanks for the memories
They need to know..
And thanks for telling them.
Thank you VL! YOU are so right in everything you say. I thought I appreciated my husband, and I do, but you have brought new light to my eyes! He is going to see such a change in me. I cant wait for him to come home tonight from a hard day of work. I appreciate him so much more.
I am going to visit this site all of the time and soak up all of your knowlage!
THANK YOU for being such a LADY,
Keb
VL,
I just opened up a bulletin on my myspace, that read….
38 things girls dind’t know about boys! ( I’m almost sure it was a teenage girl who came up with this) Anyways this is what it says…
1. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it’ll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
3. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they’re goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.
8. Guys don’t care how gorgeous you are, if you’re a bitch– Goodbye.
9. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…nevermind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
10. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.
11. Guys are very open about themselves.
12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
14. Guys love you more than you love them.
15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.
16. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.”
23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.
24. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don’t say you aren’t. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don’t want you to disagree with them.
25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.
26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
27. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.
31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.
32. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of them.
33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs.
34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.
36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.
37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probaly still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.
—Girls, if u don’t repost this within 1 hr then you will lose the guy of your life
—Guys if you don’t repost this in one hr then you will lose the girl of your life.
And we wonder why girls have lost thier minds!!!!! I see bulletins like this all of the time on myspace.
I’ll give you my perspective as a man on this list, admitting some of this will no doubt loose me a few man points, though since the description of my Job by the Cheif of Defense staff himself said my job description it “To be able to kill people” I think I have enough to spare
1. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it’ll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
agreed
2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
depends, if they are involved with someone, that could be true…
3. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
maybe… depends what she’s smiling about. if you just tripped over the cat and smashed your face on the curling iron… no, if she just reached into my pants and found something to smile about… yes
4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
little boys will do anything to get you to notice them, men will generally have some restraint
5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they’re goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
What the hell is this crap? why are you talking about your ex in the first place… that is over and done with, don’t live in the past.
Also the be the friend with a shoulder for her to cry on only works in the movies. Boys who don’t have experiance with women and have learned courting from romantic movies will try this, men know better
6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
No this is a guy who wants to own you as property.
7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.
mmm, it’s not a need to be reassured it’s a need to have reciprical affection… if I give you a back rub, it would be nice if you returned the favour…
8. Guys don’t care how gorgeous you are, if you’re a bitch– Goodbye.
pretty much true… a gorgeous woman will attract a guy, but if she’s bitchy he’ll only bite his tounge so long
9. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…nevermind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
EVERYONE does this
10. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.
Cliche that means nothing
11. Guys are very open about themselves.
some are, some aren’t
12. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
I’d say thats true of everyone… though I find women get pissed off when you offer advice, while men will generally agree and discuss it more…
13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
Come on, if men are one thing it is not subtle… there are about a million clues if a guy likes you… if he’s teasing you he’s probably read the funny/cocky theory.
By nature when we are greatly attracted to a woman we are not comfortable until we know there is reciprical affection. Teasing is a sign we are comfortable. this is not a good indicator at all for genuine affection.
14. Guys love you more than you love them.
Based on my ex I would say this is true… who knows, whats the unit of measure for love?
15. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole hell of a lot.
hot/cute are frat boy terms used among themselves, frat boys are looking for one night stands, beautiful/gorgeous is a term a man would use when speaking to a woman… if a man calls you a hot chick he probably isn’t interested in more than a one night throw down…
16. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
For long term, agreed
17. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
It’s not so much a line with me… I have a reserve of patience that is fed by a trickling stream… if you use it up faster than it is refilled, it won’t be long before I say good bye. Don’t take my compassion for granted, and don’t assume that because when you fly off the handle about some piddly crap at me I just look at the ground and say nothing means I’m whipped and you own me… it means I’m not quite at empty yet.
18. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
disagree… you do something mysterious or flaky it will annoy us and dip into our patience reserve…
19. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
if he’s crazy about her, or his friends keep teasing him about it… otherwise we don’t care.
20. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
or he’s comfortable around you, or doesn’t care what you think, or is just a solid unflappable type of person
21. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
agreed
22. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.”
No, we don’t deal in code… if I say leave me alone, I mean leave me alone, if I want you to come listen to me I’ll hold you in my lap on the couch and talk to you… I’m not interested in games… while we’re on that subject, don’t say fine unless your fine, don’t ask me if your ass looks fat in those jeans or any of those other cliche trick questions… that eats into my patience reserves really fast.
23. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.
I’m a pretty serious dude, so I talk about serious topics all the time… I like intellectual debate and discussion. It’s a form of entertainment to me.
124. When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don’t say you aren’t. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don’t want you to disagree with them.
agreed, though not because we are fearful of you disagreeing with us, it’s because this falls into the same realm as “do these jeans make me look fat?” just graciously accept the complement.
25. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.
Not always… I used to gaze at my ex the same way as I would a beautiful sunset… she would usually go “WHAT!” and spoil the moment.
26. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
we internalize a lot of our problems, but we are still dealing with them… some people have a lot of baggage others don’t… most men do seem to deal with their problems with a lot less drama than some women do however.
27. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
if you turn us down to many times we assume you aren’t interested… if you are and have legitimate reasons you can’t go out, suggest an alternative time/place… it shows us you are interested.
28. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
disagree
29. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
odd logic there, we are attracted to women, and think some of them are a taco short a combo plate, usually that eats into our reserve… it doesn’t endear us to them.
30. A guy would give his right nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.
no, no I wouldn’t.
31. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.
*raises eyebrow* most people solve their problems by themselves. As a general rule men hate showing weakness and asking for help for problems others can solve on their own is a sign of weakness.
32. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of them.
well duh!
33. They love it when girls talk about their boobs.
No we don’t
34. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
the only time you should let a guy get away with this is if it’s already known between both of you that the attraction is mutual.
35. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.
being tickled robs one of dignity… time and place, time and place
36. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.
or he’s horney
37. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
or he’s horney
38. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probaly still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.
my brain is glad I ended it with the ex… the heart longs for the good times though my brain says they weren’t worth the trouble that came with them… if she came back into my life she had better have a damn good apoligy and follow through with changing her attitude before I would drop my defenses for her again.
@Kebby: thanks for your comments! I read the list and your last sentence…I wasn’t quite sure if you were agreeing with that list or not? If this came from MySpace I think it’s been put together by teen girls…at least to me it seems obviously written by someone quite young. There are a few items I’d say may well be true about boys/men, but there are some I don’t think hold true for most guys, especially as they become men. You are right that often we feel they’ve lost their minds…hopefully they’ll find them again when they’re older? AT least we can hope so!
@MeanandGreen, I also thank you for your comments!
I think your take on these “truths about guys” is far more spot on. I am assuming from your name and comments that you are a military man? As the daughter of a military man, the widow of a military man and the current spouse of a military brat/military man I think your experience and expression speaks more to the reality of how men think and feel.
It’s possible that the differences between the original list and your take on it has a lot to do with maturity. It’s been waaaaayyy too many years ago for me to really recall what teen boys seemed to think or feel when I was that age…and besides, I didn’t have all that much experience way back then EITHER! I was lucky, however, in having a Dad who truly tried to give me insights and understanding of men at a fairly young age, and so I have been fortunate to have male friends all my life. Can’t say I know it all! Every once in a while the mystery of the male shows up and I just have to say, “well, there ya go!” and learn something new again!
At any rate, Kebby and Meanandgreen, I appreciate your insightful comments. Perhaps this can be shared with some younger gals to help them learn what men truly are like and to not be so quick to accept the “feminist” party line.
Cheers!
VL (Victorian Lady)
VL, where are you?? Hope all is well…..
You are in my prayers sweet lady.